Hello out of touch parent! Desperate to protect your child from the horrors of modern video games? You’ve come to the right place. Here are seven easy, different ways to stop your offspring from killing prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto.
#1 – Don’t Buy Them A Video Game Console
Are you worried that your child is playing too many video games, period? Would you be happier if they just didn’t play any video games? Our first prevention tactic is to not buy them a video game console. We realize that, as a parent, you feel responsible to make your children happy. And we also know that video game consoles are often the newest, biggest thing your child could want. So if this piece of advice doesn’t fit for you, then…
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#2 – Buy Them A Nintendo Wii
The Wii is often ridiculed in the video game community for being a gimmick console, a one-trick pony, or a shovelware dump. But that’s not entirely true. The Wii has plenty of fantastic kid-friendly games on disc (Super Mario Galaxy, Kirby’s Epic Yarn), and many more classics available for download. It’s a little cheaper than its counterparts, too. Not only that, but M-rated games on the Wii are kept at a minimum. Although, the Wii is a technologically inferior console, and your tech-savvy child might know that. In the case that you have to buy them an Xbox 360 or PS3, heed this advice…
#3 – Use Parental Controls
One of the most useful tools that most parents don’t even know exist are the deep, highly malleable parental controls available in both the Xbox 360 and PS3 consoles. It’s undeniably the best piece of advice you will get in this article. You can set how long, daily your child can play a video game, and you can set the console to automatically recognize M-rated games and prevent your child from playing them, even if he has the disc and puts it in the system. If, for some strange reason, this ability to prevent the problem is unsatisfactory, then you could always…
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#4 – Go to Your Retailer of Choice With Them
Studies have shown that video game retailers are entirely more successful at prohibiting the sale of violent video games to minors than movie theaters are about letting minors into R-rated movies. Other studies (e.g. common sense) have shown that children generally want what is unattainable or forbidden, so turn them loose unaccompanied in a GameStop and they’ll probably try to buy an inappropriate game. Even if the statistics are on your side (secret shopper studies show only 20 percent of minors were able to buy these games), it’s always good to be safe, and just go with your child to the store to see what they buy. If you simply had to buy them a video game console, and it had to be an Xbox/PS3, and you couldn’t be bothered to use the parental controls, and you won’t go to the store with your child, then…
#5 – Check on Them Periodically As They Play and/or Move The Console to the Living Room
Just knowing what your child is playing can be easy. If you want them to keep their system in their room, then check up on them periodically, perhaps under the guise of bringing them drinks or snack foods. If not, then move the Xbox/PS3 to the living room, where your child couldn’t play an inappropriate game without someone noticing. If the above suggestions don’t feel right, or are just plain too much work, then why don’t you…
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#6 – Look at Their Game Collection
One of the great things about the ESRB is that they proudly display their ratings on the front of the case. If your child has ten video games, then it could take practically twenty seconds to determine whether or not they have inappropriate games. Find a time when they’re out, and look at the cases. If you suspect your child may be hiding an inappropriate video game, and you don’t want to look around for it, then why not…
#7 – Look at Their Achievements/Trophies
Both the PS3 and Xbox 360 consoles have an in-console points system, little challenges that unlock when your child does something especially well in one of their video games. The advantage to this is that regardless of achievements/trophies earned, the system still remembers every game that has been played on the console in chronological order. It will literally take two button presses to get to this menu, and, after all that hard work, you will have a complete list of every single game your child has played. (Deep breath) If you needed to buy them a console, couldn’t stand to buy them a Wii, was too lazy to set up parental controls, or go the store with them, or check on them while they’re playing, or move the console to the living room, or look at their game collection, or look at their achievement/trophy list (breathe out), then…
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Congratulations! You’re a lousy parent!
Seriously though, this article was meant to educate. No one here at Error! is in favor of giving violent games to impressionable kids. But, we all very much like video games, and hearing “won’t somebody please think of the children?!” shouted over and over again is unfortunate. It is within any parent’s ability to decide what your children read, watch, and play. Before jumping on the bandwagon and decrying video games as a whole, you should remember that some games just aren’t meant to be played by children, and that what once was a toy has transcended itself to become a viable platform for delivering experiences and telling stories. With a little research and a little foresight, you can make sure your children aren’t ripping people in half with chainsaws in Gears of War. So please, take our advice, and don’t ruin games for the rest of us because you didn’t do what was obvious.
