Introductions to Gaming

Hello everybody! This week I am substituting a normal editorial for something a little different. I am going to teach you all the best ways to introduce non-gamers to our wonderful hobby in a case by case basis.

1. The Middle Aged Parents

For the moms out there with little to no gaming experience, I have found some of the best games for them to be rhythm games. Dance Central 3 is a great title that has both classic and modern songs that they will know. The difficulty options are great for the parents who can’t get their groove on like they used to.

If your dad loves sports, then boy, do I have the game for you! The Madden series is a great way to spend some bonding time with that dad who looks at you oddly when you take your robot-with-a-heart girlfriend out on a date in one of your favorite JRPGs. Controllers these days can be a little daunting, but the on field display that Madden provides before plays helps the unfamiliar associate the buttons to different players. Sports games are at base level usually simplistic enough to be easy to approach.

2. The Younger Sibling

It can be quite annoying when you have to stop playing the game where you are running around beating people with a giant dildo while wearing nothing but bunny slippers just because your little brother or sister walked into the room. It is even worse when they go snitch on you to your parents because you wouldn’t let them play a video game with you. Lucky for you, I know the perfect solutions to find the middle ground between you and your younger sibling.

For a game with enough depth for you, with an easy enough premise for the little demon, is Minecraft. The setup is essentially LEGOs with monsters. The amount of greifing that can be put towards the little one is enjoyable, but the co-operative aspect is just as strong. Building your house in a hidden grotto while theirs burn under the lava pile you poured onto it is always a great way to hash out any underlying aggression.

Speaking of LEGOs, Traveller’s Tales has made of plethora of fantastic LEGO games based around different movie and comic series that are popular with both older and younger audiences alike.  The gameplay is easy to pick up, and the humor is appreciated by all ages. The newer installments that offer open worlds to play in are more likely to gain longevity and less likely to cause fights since you will not be bound to your co-op partner.

If you are a good enough older sibling to be willing to stoop down to their juvenile level, then you are looking for Skylanders. An adventure game built around co-op and swapping out characters is addicting in its own right, but when added with the prospect of collecting figures, this game hits a whole new level of entertainment for the younger ones, while the solid gameplay keeps older gamers coming back for more. (Note: Skylanders is also an easy out for the lazy gift shopper, with dozens of figures to collect, you can go through many birthdays and holidays never repeating the same character.)

Isn’t there technological ineptitude adorable?

3. The Granparents

The big challenge: How do you teach someone to play a dual analog stick game when they can’t even find their pictures on their own cell phone? The answer: You don’t. That’s what the Wii is for.

Motion controls are the best solution to the grandparent issue. Wii Sports is the simplest form of this. Bowling requires only one button press, and tennis is just a swing of a Wiimote away from a good time. There is also a proven level of therapeutics to the Wii that can help your grandparents health so they will enjoy many a more keester-whoopings that you lay on them.

We’ve all been here guys, right?….. I haven’t.

4. The Significant Other

Valentine’s day is upon us. All three of you gamers with a boyfriend or girlfriends better read up if you don’t want to be stuck being forced to go out to some fancy dinner.

What’s the best substitute for sex with your partner? Virtual sex between to characters created to look like yourselves! The Sims is the best way to test the future of your relationship. With the Sims you can see if you will be fit parents, test your cooking skills, layout the floorplan of your house, or find out how long your partner would survive when locked in a 2×2 space.

5. The Annoying Uncle That Always Bugged You About Playing Your Games but You Were Kind of a Brat and Never Let Him Play Them

There are a few games you may want to have someone play out of spite… I may have gotten a little personal there.

The Souls series. Games even gamers don’t want to play. If there is ever that special time where you want to see someone rage, just sit them down, hand them a controller, and watch them die repeatedly with the first twenty minutes of the game. For added affect, practice the first level extensively before hand, and show them up by completing the first area with no problem.

If you love the look of surprise on someone’s face, there is no better game to make an unaware person play than Animal Crossing. If there is one thing a thirty year old man who just moved into a new house wants to do, it is play a video game where the objective is to pay a mortgage to a cheap raccoon while surrounded by anthropomorphic creatures that will run you down when they want to talk.

I hope this guide has helped you in some way, and Happy Valentine’s Day from us at Error! Not Found to you.