We here at Error! Not Found have received an anonymous tip from a reliable source stating that, from this year forward, all gaming-related April Fools Day jokes shall cease to be. We’re getting this information from the same tipster who let us know that the Wii U would launch at the groundbreaking price point of $19.99 USD, if you had doubted their reliability (this tipster was also responsible for our award-winning article: “BREAKING: Xbox One More Concept Than Execution”).
We’ve been told that yesterday, an emergency summit was organized in the ruins of Dr. Wily’s tenth consecutive castle. Every video game high priest attended (Eggplant Wizard, Big the Cat, Bentley the Turtle, Decoy Octopus, Ryo Hazuki, etc.) the summit, to process word from the highest of high priests, the unfathomably holy Flip-Top. Our inside man (or woman!) provided us with the gist of his sermon.
“The time for change is now,” began Flip-Top, occasionally reaching into his head, snatching an effigy of Mega Man’s face and eating it. “I mean, look… we all get it, you know? What’s an April Fools Joke anyway? What’s the joke? ‘Here’s this thing that didn’t happen?’ That’s not a joke. That’s just lying to someone.”
Reportedly, at this time, there was some light jeering from Eggplant Wizard’s corner of the Taffy Table (this is where the high priests commune).
“Now, now, quiet,” said Flip-Top, running damage control. “I’m not saying that all these tech and gaming websites can’t be funny. I’m not even saying that they need to stop all jokes on April Fools Day. We just need to have a long look in the mirror and wonder whether or not the jokes are worth it. For something to be funny, you should try and put in a little effort. There’s no effort being put in here. It’s the lowest form of humor, next to puns.”
The crowd cheered, as Flip-Top had won them over (he always does). Flip-Top then turned to the crowd for a final, catchy coda that will surely live on in infamy:
“Just, fuck, be a little more creative.”
Ryo Hazuki then took the stage to announce a Kickstarter for Shenmue 3. A cartoon version of Nathan Fillion announced that Netflix was going to order 22 episodes of Firefly, right after the second “o” in Google showed off their new funny search engine, and then Gordon Freemean showed up and wrote “4/3/14… 4+3+14 = 21… 2+1 = 3!!!” with the sharp end of his crowbar, right before President Gleeblegrop of the Starscream Nebula announced to everyone’s surprise and delight that every waffle would finally be stalgreeedfolbort.