What happened last week? Who “won” E3? How many #dankmeme pre-orders did each press conference get? Find out on this week’s Error! Report!
Arno joins a cult where he witnesses a human sacrifice, he hunts down a giant, he solves murder mysteries because Paris’ local detective is too lazy. If this all sounds interesting, that is because it is pretty interesting — in concept. Instead, Arno simply hunts down Templars in the cult, finds and kills an enemy of the “heavy” type, and runs around eagle vision-ing his way to a culprit with no sense of mystery. Assassin’s Creed Unity is, above all else, boring.
There are only two tailing missions in the new Assassin’s Creed.
War never changes, especially in video games. Countless number of games set you in the heat of battle, gunning down hundreds of enemies with reckless abandon. We never understand the pathos of those stories; we never hear of their struggles; all we ever see are moments plucked from action movies. Valiant Hearts: The Great War tells a touching story of a handful of soldiers in the midst of World War I — it’s just a shame this story needs to be a video game too.
Everyone has their favorite stealth franchise — for some it’s Metal Gear, others it’s Deus Ex. While I like those games quite a bit, nothing scratches that stealth itch quite like Splinter Cell. Conviction was something of a reboot for the series, taking away certain features like hiding bodies and night vision, but also allowing for a more streamlined and snappier action game. Splinter Cell: Blacklist represents a return to form for fans of the PS2 era games, and a refinement of ideas and mechanics from Conviction.
Only a handful of games allow players to jump off of mountains, parachute down to an enemy outpost, and stealth kill the enemies in the area. Only a handful of games allow players to strap C4 to the front of their car, drive it into an enemy controlled camp, jump out right before you reach it, and pull the trigger blowing up the car and anyone nearby. Only a handful of games allow you to hunt a variety of animals such as sharks, and tigers, and bears. Only a handful of games have a luscious, vibrant, tropical landscape that is absolutely beautiful. Far Cry 3 is one of those games, and possibly the best of the bunch.
I predict this for a number of reasons. It’s a launch title for a new system, and one developed by Ubisoft, a developer with a pretty spotty launch title record (Red Steel, anyone?). Every piece of information regarding the game before release has naturally focused on the Wii U’s GamePad, which could easily be read as a warning sign about the game itself. Also, the name of this goddamn game is ZombiU, like we’re living in some odd, Nintendo 64-esque era where such a title is acceptable. The whole thing reeks of a kind of disaster.
In reality, ZombiU is anything but. It’s a smart, scary, slow game marred by some predictable launch window woes.